Pretend
by FabulaNova
Summary: Shizuma has strong, romantic feelings for Nagisa. But Nagisa only wants friendship. When Shizuma finally has the courage to confess her feelings, her plans are drastically changed by Nagisa's own future. Shizuma learns what it takes to plow through harship and heartache. One Shot.


**You guessed it! Another copy and paste of my other fics 8D but don't worry. None of th other fics are on here. I'll give a legit fic if someone can guess what this fic was originally about. (it's the same people as my other one)**

**HINT: You will not find it anywhere on this forum.  
**

**I JUST WANT TO BETA OK? IS THAT JUST SO HARD TO DO...  
**

Pretend

By FabulaNova

You reach for your phone, texting her, hoping she responds quickly. She always does. _Good ol' Nagisa_ you think. You have something to tell her, something that's been bugging you for a while. Something that's so important it makes your heart burst to think that she feels the same. It turns out she has something to tell you too.

You quickly get dressed, thinking that maybe this is it. Maybe this is when the girl of your dreams finally confesses to you, and you finally get to confess to her. You can have your happily ever after. You smile as you remember how it all started.

You had been schoolmates first. She was new to Astraea Hill, you were the Etoile. It was lucky that you went the same school. You knew who she was after you had a little encounter with her on a hill. One of the cutest girls you had ever seen. You had seen her around and wondered who she was before, but you didn't really want to approach her. What if she broke your heart again? Like the last one…

But again, you got lucky. You bump into her almost everywhere.

Before you know it, you've both hit it off. You're both the best of friends. Sure, things get a little intense sometimes, but you want to be with her. If it's with her, than that's all that mattered.

You look in the mirror and tie your hair up, remembering how you fell in love. Well you didn't know you fell in love until you were practicing your new play lines with her.

You remember she was sweating profusely, nervous about her bad acting. You reassured her of her confidence. She looks at you and smiles, thanking you for your kindness.

You can feel your body start to feel warm, especially your cheeks, as you notice how nice it would be if the scripted words you heard were real. You feel yourself daydream as you can picture yourself grabbing her and then capturing her lips with yours, putting your desires and love into your kiss as you imagine slowly feeling her tongue with yours while holding her in your arms. You feel a knock on your head and you realize you were daydreaming, and that she had finished saying her lines.

"Are you okay Shizuma? Your cheeks are all red and you were staring into space." She smiles and you can feel yourself melt. You quickly nod that you're okay and it's just hot today, even if it is March. She shrugs her shoulders and she invites you to grab a bite. How could you say no? Your dinner was at a café nearby and you couldn't help but want to act out your daydreams. The way she ate her desert was really pushing it. She was licking the cream off the cherry so seductively you could have sworn she was doing it on purpose. But you snap yourself out of it, reminding yourself that she is just a friend, she only thinks of you as a friend, it wouldn't go any further. So you go on, pretending you don't like her anymore than she does, pretending you don't want more.

But today is the day. Today is the day you tell her. You've been planning to for a while, but something always got in the way. It was usually someone like Tamao or Chiyo. You grab your purse and make your way out of your apartment.

You walk down the street, wondering how you're going to tell her. How would you start? Do you just blurt it out? Do you sneak it in? Drop hints until she gets the message? Or do you just kiss her straight on those soft lips and hope she feels the same? You approach the café, placing your hand on the door. You take a deep breath and decide that whatever happens happens, and being who you are, you'll find a way to confess on the spot. Fate will guide you, as it always somehow led to her, so it will be fine. You swing open the door and walk in searching for the girl that makes your heart swell. You spot her at the back, with her bright orange hair, texting away on her phone.

You smile and approach the table, sitting down across from her. She stops texting and she smiles back as she puts her phone away.

"So, what did you want to tell me?" You ask casually, not letting your blush creep up to your face as she looks you in the eyes. You've mastered the art of hiding those kinds of feelings from her over the years that it almost became natural.

"Well you wanted to tell me something to right?" She leans over the table, closer to me as she puts her elbows on the table.

"You go first." You chuckle. She just smiles back at you. You could feel your heart swoon, but your face doesn't show it.

"Okay then. Don't tell anyone this okay? It's really top secret. Nobody knows yet." You nod and your smile gets bigger. This is it. This is where she confesses to you. This is where you can tell her you love her.

You prepare your heart so it doesn't burst and you don't kiss her right then and there.

She leans in closer to you, so that nobody else in the café would overhear. "I have a boyfriend" she whispers to you and smiles. Your heart stops. You can feel an overwhelming pain in your chest, and you want to run. But instead you smile and pretend. Pretend that everything is okay, that you are happy for her and that you're not going to cry the minute you get home.

"Oh? Who is it?" You say with a smile, but your voice almost exposes your façade as it quivers at the last sentence. You fan feel you corners of your mouth twitch and start to falter, but thankfully she doesn't see.

"It's a boy in my Economics class at Tokyo U. His name is Takashi" Her smile grows wider. You can feel tears well up in your eyes but you force them down.

"Really? That's great." You whisper back. She thinks it's to keep the conversation private, but really it's to control your emotions. If you were to speak any louder, you would start yelling and crying and confessing right there, in the most pathetic way you imagine possible.

"So, what did you have to tell me?" She asks you.

"I forgot. Haha you know your news surprised me." You give a forced laugh and she buys it. "Actually I should go study now, I have a big exam tomorrow." You lie to her. She nods her head in understanding and you walk out of the café slowly. As soon as the café is out of sight though, you run. You run as fast as you can to your dorms with tears streaming down your face, flying off your cheeks as you run as fast as your legs can carry you. You run up to your apartment, throw your doors open only to collapse on your bed. You pour your feelings into your pillow until you fall asleep.

It's been 5 years since that day. In 5 years, you never once told her how you felt. You never once showed to her that you care more for her, that you feel pained when you look at her with Takashi. 5 years, and you both drifted apart. You no longer wanted to feel pain, and being with her was so painful. You said hi to each other in the Tokyo U hallways, but no more than that. She used to ask you to go places, to see things, like you used to, back when you were friends. But you said "no, I'm too busy" or "no sorry. I'm tired today." Eventually she just stopped asking.

They weren't complete lies. You were busy now that your career had completely taken off. You've started your own business, it became incredibly successful, and you traveled around the world. Thanks to your hard work. And you _were_ tired. Not of your career, although physically, yes it did drain you. But you've become emotionally drained of being around her, knowing that even if you're hurting inside, the only thing you could do is pretend, just so you didn't lose her by your side.

Looking back now, you realize you lost her anyways, and she still doesn't know how you feel.

Now the day has come, where she gets married to Takashi. You cringe and groaned inside when you heard it on the news. Takashi was apparently CEO of an even more successful company, a rival one in fact. How ironic.

You couldn't help but cry when you came home and found an invitation in your mail box. You opened it and stared at her picture inside, staring at her and Takashi, wishing that was you instead of him. You paced around your living room wondering, do you go? Do you not go? What do you do? You finally decided it would be rude to reject her offer, and that this would be your farewell to her. You just wanted to see her, one last time.

Here you are, at the church, taking your seat in the middle, hoping she doesn't see you. Just your luck though, you're placed right next to the aisle and you hope, you don't break down and cry. You hear the music start to play and you stand up along with everyone else in the room, you spot Takashi at the front, smiling. You turn around and see the bridesmaids enter first. As expected, her bridesmaids are Tamao, Hikari, and Chiyo. Finally, you see her white dress come into view as she enters the church. She looks angelic. Her hair had grown long over the years, down past her shoulders, and her bangs were to the side. She spots you as she walks down the aisle and smiles at you. You smile back, giving her a genuine smile, feeling the muscles in your cheeks move for once, in a very long time. When was the last time you smiled that genuinely? For a moment, you're lost in her eyes, pretending it's you who is getting married to her. Pretending it's you she's walking towards, only to have it shattered when she walks past, making her way towards Takashi.

Your tears fall from your eyes out of pain. Others nearby hand you tissues, thinking you were crying out of joy. You couldn't keep your mask on any longer. You haven't had to in a long time.

Finally, the ceremony finally ends, and it's time for pictures. You don't want to be apart of it, you came and left, pretended to be a supportive friend, but that's all you can ever be. You hear her calling to you as you walk out of the church. "Shizuma!" You hear her but you keep walking, you quicken your pace, not wanting to be there any longer. _You have to say goodbye_ you remind yourself, but you keep on walking until you are outside.

You take a deep breath of air as you look around. Nobody else is outside. Everyone is inside, celebrating the newlywed couple. You feel a hand on your shoulder turn you around.

"You're just going to leave? Just like that? After 5 years?" Nagisa shouts at you. This is supposed to be a happy day, yet here she is shouting.

"Nagisa. Congratulations on your marriage. Have a happy life with your husband." You say without a smile showing, thinking that's all she wanted to hear. You turn to leave but she grabs you again. She's surprisingly strong for her size.

"Why did you come here after five years only to leave again?" She shouts at you. "I thought you were my friend Shizuma. What happened to us?" Her voice softens and your heart hurts again, knowing that you caused her pain with your pretending.

"Nagisa, I came to say goodbye to you." You calmly answer. The tears come streaming down your face again. She looks at you puzzled. "I'm sorry, that I wasn't what you wanted. But you were everything I wanted." She looks shocked at your confession. You can't take it anymore. You lean in and kiss her on the lips, tongue and all. Her lips are as soft as you imagined, her tongue and her taste are just as you imagined. You don't feel her responding, but you don't care. You have been waiting for this for five years. Five years too long. You're tired of being in pain and pretending around her all the time. Pretending your entire life that you're not in pain, that you're strong. But you promised yourself that this is your goodbye.

You back away and look at her. She just stares at you, in shock, not knowing what to say. You smile your last smile to her and walk down the church steps, onto the road. You hear her call your name from the church steps, but you ignore it, and you know she's not chasing after you this time. There's a lighter bounce in your step as you walk across the road. You can finally stop pretending.

You know she's the only one for you, but maybe you can move forward now. Tears spill from your eyes and you know it's from both sadness and joy. You're sad that you had to let her go, and couldn't get her in the end, but happy that you can finally let go.

Your vision is blurred and your head is down, so that pedestrians around you can't see your tears. You walk more, lost in your thoughts, at the possibilities of your now clear future, contemplating what you could do now.

You don't even hear a whistle blow as you cross the train tracks, nor do you hear its wheels moving at a fast speed, or the sound of the wind as it approaches. You don't see it coming until you see it enter your peripheral vision. You look up, but it's too late.


End file.
